The Life Of Frederic

Okay... Okay...

2009-02-15T02:13:00.001-08:00

You obviously prefer funny clips of people getting owned.
So there you go...
Here is the Kingdom Of Fail Little brother...
Right here.

Visiting Ireland?

2009-01-30T07:32:00.000-08:00

Well...
Here are a few tips that you might find interesting...
Irish people can fight for anything and also spend a lot of money on court cases that takes ages to resolve so that when it's finished you don't even remember why it started in the first place:

Now, drinking in Ireland is mandatory. Even if you don't you will after 5 minutes in an Irish pub:

Sadly enough, after a session down the pub you will have to go through a DUI test...

Irish people are quite smart assed people... They love Americans... They play golf... And take the piss out of them:

But the one thing you cannot joke about is the 800 years that the English took over Ireland. Even though the English have still the same ideas about the Irish:

One thing you need to know about the Irish is that they travel a lot and managed to get a good running mafia in the US:

Well I hope that will help you in your future holidays in Ireland!!

Is Chocolate Better Than Sex?

2009-01-30T06:26:00.000-08:00

Well frankly I don't know and I don't give a shit.
But...
In the UK you can find a brand of chocolate products called Cadbury.
It's shite.
I mean give me some dark chocolate and I'll get a hard on... Give me Cadbury and you will never have sex with me... By the way if you are a dude and give me dark chocolate you wont get any alright?
Anyway...
Cadbury started to make some really weird ads for their products...
First there was the gorilla...
Which...
Well...
Even though it was weird, it actually looked cool:

But now...
They came up with...
The weirdest...
Freakiest...
Ugliest...
Piece of ad ever!!!
Look at this:

I mean...
What the fuck??
C'mon!!!
The girl is ugly as sin!!
And those eyebrows...
Gggeeesshhhh!!
And also...
What the fuck has that to do with chocolate???

Updates!!! On History, On The Vista Look And On The Irish...

2009-01-21T02:14:00.001-08:00

Remember my post on the "Blood of the Irish"??
Well guess what...
I was TOTALLY right!!
No DNA test.
No spending.
Just a brainwave...
So mister lettuce grower, go screw yourself. Doesn't takes thousands of bucks to do a bit of research!!!
Parents, make sure that you teach your kids to use their brains before turning to the TV for information, they will get the same results and feel a lot more better about it!!

Remember the post on how to give Windows XP the Vista look?
Well, first of all, it seems the UXtheme patcher doesn't work to good with service pack 3. If you really want to get service pack 3 installed, get something called Windows XP Pro SP4. Note that service pack 4 isn't available. Only with version, this version comes with the UXTheme file already patched.
Also, there was still something missing in the vista look...
What?
You know those cool 3D windows that represent what is minimized in your task bar...
Like this:

How to achieve this?
Simple...
There is a small free application called WinFlip, you can download it here.
Once downloaded, unzip the file in a folder that you can call WinFlip. There is no installation process, this is a stand alone application.
Once unzipped, simply double click on the file called Winflip.exe (Application file), it will place a small blue circle in your SysTray (Near where the clock his), Right click on the blue circle and select Options. The first section is for the Keyboard, by default WinKey + Tab is selected, better to change to Alt + Tab. Now click on the Mouse section, select what ever option you want, for myself I have chosen to launch the flips by clicking on the right edge of the screen, this is entirely up to you. Now click on the Other section and click on Run Automatically so that the program will start every time that Windows is started.
And that is it!!!
Tell me if you think that something is missing!!

If you ever come to Ireland...
Remember this...
This is very important...
"An Irish Who Drink Fizzy Water In The Morning Is An Alcoholic That Forgot He Is One!".

And for the Irish...
Remember...
If after a few beers you go for a leak...
One shake... Is Necessary.
Two Shakes... Is Better.
Three Shakes... Is A Wank!!

The Blood Of The Irish...

2009-01-07T02:24:00.000-08:00

They have started a new series on RTE, for those who don't know RTE is the company that provides shite television in Ireland for quite a while and they are very proud of it.
That series is called The Blood Of The Irish.
The goal of that series is to retrace the path of the first people that moved to Ireland for the very first time 60,000 years ago.
Thought it was a good idea.
Now, the series is presented and narrated by a... Gardener!!!
Yes...
Not an historian...
A feckin' gardener!!!
So the guy first explain a well known fact...
That the home of all civilization was in Africa, most precisely between what we call now Tanzania and Mozambique.
So here is a bit of history...

At the time the North part of Earth was pretty much covered with ice and the South part was like a bread oven so the people from there needed to move North. So started a very slow motion migration.
So they walked...
Generations after generations.
Then they hit what we know now as Europe.
The ice age wasn't finished yet.
So they couldn't go any further North.
So they started to go Westwards...
And they ended up in what we know now as Spain. The North of it actually.

So please keep that piece of history in mind...
Let's go back to the show...
So, the happy gardener is moving around the West coast of Ireland because the people who leave there are known to be the Real Irish. Like in Connemara, here is a nice painting from Paul Henry:

The people from the West coast of Ireland have, for most of them, black hair, curled hair but clear eyes.
Also during the summer, if they are lucky and the sun shows up, they will actually get a tan.
That doesn't really sound Irish doesn't it??
The typical Irish as we expect would look more like something like this...

And do not put them under the sun!!!
So why are the "Real Irish" from the West coast not looking like this?
Well...
I'm gonna give you the two ways to find out...
The RTE way...
And My way...

RTE Way:
Well, you spend many thousand Euros creating a series featuring a loopy gardener traveling around making people spit in small containers in Ireland, Spain and Italy.
And realize that the Irish are part of the people that came from the North of Spain.
5 or 6 episodes.
Lots of beer tokens.
Travel allowances.
For that result...
Go back planting roses buster!!!

My Way:
You sit down...
Examine the historic fact I mentioned before and start thinking...
Okay...
The people ended up in the North of Spain...
Let me see...
How is that part of Spain called?
Galicia or sometimes Galiza (because of the basque majority).
Where does that name come from?
Well after 5 minutes research here is what I found... I quote:
"The name Galicia comes from the Latin name Gallaecia, associated with the name of the ancient Celtic tribe that resided above the Douro river, the Gallaeci or Callaeci in Latin, and Kallaikoi in Greek (these tribes were mentioned by Herodotus)."

Now, here is an interesting development...
Galicia could be related to Gael...
The Gaels are an ethno-linguistic group which originated in Ireland and subsequently spread to Scotland and the Isle of Man.

Let's push this a bit further...
We know that the Basque country is Celt. The country expand from the North of Spain to the South West of France.
We also know that Brittany in France is Celt.
So it is more likely that the migration went from The North of Spain, up to Brittany moving along the West coast of France, better stay near the sea as these people were most likely better fishermen than hunters.
But...
What after Brittany?
Did they go straight to Ireland?
My guess is...
The hell no!!!
The trip would have been too long.
But we have to remember that they were fishermen.
My view on this is that by fishing from the North coast of Brittany, by good weather, the South West coast of England could be visible.
That became their next target.
The idea here was the same as in France, continue your way up to the North along the West coast, near the sea.
Then they arrived in Wales.
Why do I say that?
Remember the way that Galicia came from the Latin for the name of a Celt tribe?
Well French language derives from the Latin and in French Wales is called Pay De Galles...
Land of Gael?
Why not...
And Ireland is just a hop from there...
So there you go!!!
We know where they come from and what way they came...

So what is the story with the read heads then??
Well, according to the statistics, the most read heads can be found in the center of Ireland and the most Blonds can be found on the East coast of Ireland.
The reason for that is that when the first Irish implanted in Ireland they stayed on the East coast then came the Vikings and the Brits...
So they moved Westwards.
Which would explain why you have blonds on the East coast (Vikings and Brits), read heads in the middle (mix between Vikings, Brits and Irish) and dark on the West (Irish).

So there you go...
Gardener free...
Time free history.

How To Get Free Pay Per View Sport On Your PC...

2009-01-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

Hi kids!!!
Doesn't it piss you off when you have to travel and the satellite system in the hotel you are staying in doesn't have the sport channels?
Doesn't it piss you off when your team match isn't on TV??
Well fear not my little lab monkeys!!!
Any sport!!
Any match!!
Any time!!
Live!!
Yes!! Live!!
Just follow Uncle Frederic (And don't forget to say thanks!!) easy steps to Live Sport On Your PC!!!
So first of all we need to install three small streaming applications. They are safe, the first one is called TVAnts, you can get it here.
The next one is called Veetle, you can get it here.
And finally, the last one is called TVU, which you will get here.
So install these three applications.
Done?
No?
Move your butt don't have all day!!!
Done?
Yes?
Good...
Now just bookmark this link.
It is called MyP2P.
Register an account because that will allow you to save your time zone settings.
Okay, how does it work?
Easy, click on the Live Sport tab and it will show you a list of sports events that are live now. Just select the one you want to watch by clicking the TV icon on the right inside of the event.
You will then see a list of channels (Setanta, Sky, ESPN, etc...) and also on what network. Don't worry about the network, since you installed the three applications above, you should be covered!!
And that is it!!
All free!!
Hint: When in the Live Sport page if you select one of the sport category on the top you will be able to check the schedule for the next few days (Also Rugby is in the Other Sports section).
So please say thanks!!
Enjoy!

How Can I Get Free Music On The Internet??

2008-12-28T02:33:00.000-08:00

First of all you should know that it is illegal...
I will describe two ways to do it but the way you use it is entirely up to you and I will not be responsible for your actions!!
Comprendo??
Good!
First of all we need a compression utility called Winrar, you can download it from here.
When the download is finished, install Winrar.

First easy way to get music:

Follow this link. This will bring you to something called G2P Beta v0.2 and it should look like this:

Now simply type the name of the artist and select albums on the right inside choice list or you can also enter a song title or part of it and select songs instead of albums and then click on Go. You should get a list like this:
As you can see, the name of the album is beside the filename underneath the Megaupload link. For example the first result is a link to Crazy from Gnarls Barkley (What kind of first name is that?).
So follow the link and it will bring you to that window:
Enter the three letter code in the box, click Download et voila!! The download will start and the file you will download is in RAR format that can be opened with Winrar that you installed previously.

Second easy way to get music:

Follow this link. Note that this site is a (sort of) pirate site but you will find what ever you want in there. You should get something like this:
Enter the name of an artist and then in the drop down list beside the search box select Music. So let's try Bob Dylan, you should get something like this:
So in the list of albums let's select Johnny Cash & Bob Dylan - Sessions. According to what type of browser you are using it will open a new tab or a new browser window. If you are using Firefox or IE7 or IE8 it will open a new tab. The page will display something like this:
Click on the Rapidshare link, once on the Rapidshare page click the Free User button, wait for the countdown to finish and click the download button. Once again... Et voila!! This file will also be in RAR format that you can open using Winrar.

Now, Once again I must insist...
Downloading MP3s is ILLEGAL!!
Do not use this for commercial use. Use it to listen to an album and check that it is worst buying...
Thank You.

Easy Way To Transform Windows XP Into Vista Look...

2008-12-27T06:21:00.000-08:00

Hi kids!!
I don't know for you but for me Windows Vista as an operating system is useless... But... It does look very good...
Now Windows XP is a very good operating system... But... It does look crap...
So, for a while, I was looking for a way to have the look and feel of Vista on XP...
You can use a few applications for that, like ThemeXP for example. The problem of these applications is that they work on the background so your PC performances are lowered.
Yesterday I managed it.
Yep...
Full Vista feel on XP...
For free...
And...
Without Lowering Your PC Performance!!

Here are the steps to follow...
They are pretty easy even if you aren't a computer geek...
Just follow the steps as I describe them and you could get your PC looking like this (Click on the picture for the full size picture):

First of all you will need Winrar. This a compression utility like Winzip. If you don't have it installed on your PC you can download it here.
Once you have that installed, let's get to the theme pack I used to achieve the look. Windows XP allow you to use Theme files to change some aspect of the look of it.
I don't know if you have already used Rapidshare.com but this is pretty easy...
Click here, then click on the Free User button, wait for the countdown to finish and click on the Download button.
Once the download has finished, double click on the RAR file you downloaded and extract the files anywhere on your PC. I would suggest you create a folder called Vista Skins on the C drive and extract the files in that folder.
Now let's take a look at the files that were extracted...
There is 30 folders in it...
Each folder contains a Vista them for XP.
Also it contains a small application called UX-Theme Multi Patcher, looking like this:

Windows XP comes with a bit of limitations when it comes to themes... This little fellow will actually remove these limitations. No harm will be done to the PC I can assure you...
So double click on the UXTheme icon. At some stage, you will be asked to insert your Windows XP CD. DO NOT INSERT YOUR XP CD!! Just wait at least one minute before clicking on Cancel on the message that asked for the CD, then another message will ask you to confirm, click Yes and the patch will then be applied.
Once done, you will need to restart the PC in order for the patch to work.
Once the PC is restarted, go back to the folder where you saved all the Vista themes and chose which one you want to use. The best way to do that is to get into the folder and you will see a theme file, it looks like this:

Just double click on the icon and the display properties window will open giving you a glimpse of what the theme look like. The one I used is the one called Aero Style (Glass Beta2) and the color scheme is dark.
Apply the theme and that is it...
We got the Vista look...
Well...
Not yet kids...
We need a background picture...
Here are two that I consider pretty good...
Just click on the one you want it will open in full size then right click on the pic and click Set As Background.
First one:

Second one:

Okay... We have the look and the background...
Not bad...
But still...
What about the logon screen??
Hmm...
Let see here...
Oh yeah kids!!!
I have that covered as well...
There is a very cool little application created by Stardock. These guys have been developing tweak applications for quite a while and they cam up with a free application called Logon Studio. The good thing about that application is that it is a run once application. No memory taken!!
Click here to download it...
Install the application, once done do not run it yet....
We need to get a Vista logon screen for it...
I found one here, just click the download link and save the file in the same directory that you saved all the themes (makes it easier to have all the files for this transformation in the same place).
Now run the logon studio program, click on Open and select the file you just downloaded. It will show you a preview of the logon screen...
Believe me...
It looks great.
So just click okay and...
We have a Vista logon screen!!!
YAY!!!
But wait...
Just opened Windows Explorer...
YUK!!!
Still the same ugly icons...
Can't have that do we???
Let see...
How to change them...
Oh!! I know...
You guessed it!!!
I found another free application that doesn't eat memory!!
It is called Icon Tweaker... Please grab it there, run the install but don't run it straight away as it doesn't come with a good Vista icon set.
So let's get the icon set...
Yes I know...
And you know...
I found a good one...
It will make the folders and shit look like this:

You can download the set here, save it the same folder as the themes.
Unzip the file and then run Icon Tweaker.
Click File then Open and select the file you just unzipped.
The name of the pack is Aero Ultimate Icon Pack. Once done it will show in the available pack window, click on it and click on Install Theme and, kids...
That is it...
Memory free...
Money free...
Vista look!!!
Hope you will enjoy!!

Is Religion A Load Of Bullshit?

2008-12-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

First thing you have to know about me is that I never competed in the catholic games...
Religion piss me off.
And the main reason for that is that religions are based on facts that can be proven and even more some of those facts are totally obsolete in the 21st century.
What do I mean by that?
Well let me see...
Here is a good one...

THE HOLY SPIRIT

What the freakin' fuck is this??
I mean...
The dude comes home after a hard days work, his wife is preggos. He knows he is not the father because he never shagged her, then some gay angel show up and says "This is the son of god. The Holy Spirit did this". What does the guy answer...
"Thank you lord".
What the fuck??
The whore across the road is crying... "The Holy Spirit!! Why the fuck didn't I think of that!!".
So let me get that straight...
The Holy Spirit is actually a flying dick??
C'mon...
If that happened today this would be a major divorce case...

There is another thing...
The Pilgrims...

Lourdes

What the hell??
Send some poor sick people spending a fortune on a trip for nothing!!
They should save the money to get treatment instead!!
But no...
Like I mean...
A blind goes into the pool, comes out and shout "I can see! I can see!".
A mute goes into the pool, comes out and shout "I can speak! I can speak!".
You get in there with your wheelchair and with your fucking luck you're gonna come out with freakin' brand new tyres!!

Another thing about religion...
It start very young...
Too young...
I mean you baptize babies?
And what if he or she doesn't want this??
So after that, they go to Sunday school and all that crap and get their head loaded with bullshit.
I mean...
For example...
20 years ago I was going out with a very cute girl from Dublin...
I didn't speak much English at the time nor did she speaks much French but I really enjoyed spending time with her.
Anyway, I was visiting her at her place and the Irish being catholics there is a little thing of not having it in the house if you're not married and certainly NOT in the girl house where the parents are living. Well, this girl just had her mother as her father passed away. But I think that the catholic things turn into a respect thing instead. So getting close wasn't that easy, one night we were just cuddling downstairs, yes cuddling... Nothing more. But she had a PJ top off... Yeah I know... But you have to understand that a French cuddle is a wee bit different than your usual cuddle...
Anyway...
At some stages we heard steps on the stairs so panic on board, we sit in a proper position, she puts her top back on and the mother is here looking at her with suspicion...
You can see that in her eyes...
So I turn to the beautiful one and sees with horror that...
The PJ top is inside out!!!

The same kind of things happened with my ex wife.
Spent 2 weeks over at her parents for Christmas ...
I'm French...
Can't go 2 weeks without sex...
Sorry...
Anyway we where at it and her mom walked on us...
Lucky enough the lights were off and she is blind as a bat...
Never saw me under the cover.
But my ex wife was feeling sooooooooooo guilty that I had to tell her mom that we were at it...
And guess what...
She didn't give a shit!!!

Are People Going Crazy??

2008-12-15T01:40:00.000-08:00

Have a bit of spare cash?
Don't know what to do with it?
Located nearby Paris?
Why not buy a $30,000 mobile phone...
Yep... $30,000!!
Heard that right... Here it is:

Solid gold!!
I have to say it looks very good but come on...

1,000 hours to cut into shape.
700 hours to polish.
500 hours to build.

All that for something that will certainly will never be sold.

Do you know who Colonel Sanders is?
No?
Ignorant!!
He is the KFC dude...
I wonder what he would say about this:

Oh yeah, enjoying a KFC bath in one of the sinks...
What the flamin' fuck!!
And the worst is that those two idiots posted the pictures on the KFC free profile on Myspace!!
Nice one!!
You're fired!!

According to a study by Ask.com, the most asked question isn't:

Where can I find tits?
Where can I find boobs?
Where can I have sex?

Nope...
It is:
"Am I pregnant?".
What the hell???
If you are unsure just get a freakin' pregnancy test!!

C'mon...
Might as well get a 20Q ball...
Idiots!!

We Listen To Shit Everyaday And We Like It.

2008-12-13T02:22:00.000-08:00

We listen to radios, TVs. We go to nightclubs. We go to concerts, gigs. And most of the time we enjoy listening the dumbest thing ever!!
I am not talking about the music.
We all have different taste even though mine are better than yours.
I am talking about the lyrics...
Have you ever listen to lyrics of some very popular songs?
No?
Hmm...
Let's take a closer look shall we?

AC/DC - Touch Too Much:

"She had the face of an angel, smiling with sin The body of venus with arms"

The body of Venus with arms??
What the fuck!!
Sure "mate"... Milo never attended to put some arms on that statue!!

Alanis Morissette - Ironic:

I have to say I am going to enjoy that one because that song is a nest of dumb shit...
So let's get started...
"It's a black fly in your Chardonnay"

I am pretty sure that Chardonnay would taste a lot better with a yellow fly in it!! Also if that tart knew anything about wine she would know that red wine smell attract flies!!

"It's like rain on your wedding day"

How is that fucking ironic?? Are you marrying the weather man??

"It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife"

10,000 spoons?? Who the fuck has 10,000 spoons in the freakin' kitchen??
This is not ironic... You're just a psycho!!

"It's a free ride when you've already paid"

How can it be a free ride if you have already paid??

Sheryl Crow - Good is good:

"When you hear the rolling thunder, you turn around before the lightening strikes"

Yes darling... You didn't finish school did ya??
First... Lightning THEN the fucking thunder you moron!!

Green Day - Basket Case:

"I went to a whore
He said my life's a bore
So quit my whining 'cause it's bringing her down"

Hm... Did the whore just changed sex in less than three seconds??
And yes, I didn't type wrong... These are the lyrics!!

Paul McCartney - The Other Me:

"I know I was a crazy fool
For treating you the way I did
But something took a hold of me
And I acted like a dustbin lid"

Act like a dustbin lid???
Uh?
Please enlighten me here...
How does a dustbin lid act?

Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak:

"Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak,
somewhere in this town"

Errr... What about the jailhouse dude? That would be a great place for a jailbreak eh?

So any lyrics that you guys did notice were even dumber??

The Cow, The Ass, The Councillor And The Beef.

2008-12-12T01:52:00.000-08:00

I read the other day that a guy in France went to court under the charges of rape. The guy didn't rape a woman, a man, a kid...
No no no no no no no!
He went one step better...
He raped... A cow!!
What?
Yes. A cow.
Okay let's not go into the debate to find out is the guy is nuts or not. He is.
Instead, lets analyze how you can end up with your dick in a cow's arse...
So, you wake up in the morning with your usual boner (if you don't there is something extremely wrong with you), you turn to you girlfriend for a quicky but the turn back and think:
"Hmm... I'm gonna fuck myself a cow today".
Just for having that thought you have nerves.
Okay, so you chose a cow. For those who have spent their entire life in a metropole, this is what a cow look like:

As you can see this is not the prettiest animal on the planet. Also notice the size of it, I will come back to that later...
So we have noticed that the cow is ugly so we can easily acknowledge that it ain't gonna be easy to get your little German soldier up. You need help. Blue pill. And not just one... Lots of them... So you go to the pharmacist and it should go something like that:

- Hi there, could I have 25,000 viagra pills please?
- What the fuck you're gonna do with all these??
- I'm gonna fuck a cow.
- Oh. So you met my ex wife then?
- Mooo?
- What?
- Just load them into the van will you!!

So you got your pills, but there is still a small matter to deal with... The ugliness of a cow's arse. Because we saw the front but believe the back is lot worst!!
The best plan here, in my view is to take the pills accompanied with two bottles of Jack Daniels. Normally after that you should be able to screw anything...
So you approach the cow, and then realize that there is a small problem...
The cow size.
It's big.
And the arse is quite high up...
You need a stool...
You grab one, get on it and start humping...
Well, I am sorry to say, but, humping standing on a stool in a field while totally hammered and armed with a massive hardon isn't the safest thing to do moron!!
And the worst is... You got busted!!

Also, in Germany. A woman got arrested because of the size of her butt. I'm not kidding. Let me tell you the whole story here...
One day, a masked woman enter a bank armed with a gun a raided the bank. I worked. Ran off with the money and the police (who couldn't catch a cold in winter) didn't catch her.
A few weeks after the incident, one of the bank clerk is returning home after work, riding a bus. Then, the guy pick up is mobile phone (cell phone for our North American friends) and ring the police. A police car stop the bus and arrest a woman and that woman is... The masked bank robber!
So one of the policeman ask the guy how he knows it was her and the guy answer:
"Because of the size of her ass. You don't forget something that big."
Wow...

This is huge!
Massive!
That thing has its own zip code!
If you stand 10feet from it, you slide slowly closer to it! Not because you want to! It's fucking gravity!!
But I think that one of the bad thing here for the woman is that...
She isn't remembered for her beautiful eyes...
She isn't remembered for her beautiful hair...
She isn't remembered for her beautiful legs...
Nope... Just the size of her ass...

Do you guys have local? By local I mean a bar or pub where you quite often and everybody knows you in here. Mine is located in an hotel not far from where I live. Usually on Saturday around lunch time there is some football (Soccer) on the TV, so go there and enjoy a couple of beers while watching the match. Sometimes the is a county councillor who comes here to get lunch. So the guy is a pain and very posh, you know... "Hey look at me, I'm in politics, I have lots of newspapers with me, I can read!". Every time the guys gets there he wants one of the TV (there is only two televisions in this bar, one on each sides) to be switched to Sky News (What is Sky News? It's Fox News with an English accent). This means that all the people who are watching the match on that TV have to switch side. Which is a pain.
However, me and my friends have developed a plan to change that...
After a while, I realized that the guy always sat on the same two tables, the one underneath the TV. Never another table. I thought that was odd...
One day I asked my friends if some of them would sit at the table underneath the TV on the left and I would sit with a few friends at the table underneath the TV on the right and see what would happen when the wanker gets in.
So the wanker gets in...
You won't believe this...
The guy goes first to the table on the left, sees my friends and you can see that the guy is not to happy then come over our table and then you see that the guy ain't happy at all and look like an idiot with his fucking newspapers. So the guy look at us and ask us to clear the table, so I asked why and the guy tells me that he needs it to read the papers! I tell him that there is other tables where he can read his fucking newspapers. The guy is furious. He goes to the bar and ask for the bar manager!!
Yep... Bar manager.
The bar manager is a good friend of mine, he is massive and don't like wasting time with wanker. So when I heard that I went to the bar to get a few pints of foam and for most listen to the conversation, he went like that...

- Yes sir, how can I help you?
- I need to sit at this table (pointing to our table).
- There is other tables that are free sir.
- I am a councillor!
- Well fuck off then!

Fair play to him he did!!

Still in the same pub, on Sundays they do carvery lunch. One of the items is roast beef...

You can't avoid the Sunday roast.
I don't know why.
But there you go...
But they also have other items, like turkey, chicken, pork, fish etc...
So every Sundays and I mean every Sundays!! There is two old guys who come and get their lunch there, they are two brothers. Every Sundays they do and eat the same fucking thing. No changes in year!! There is the routine:

They go to the carvery and one get roast beef with gravy and the other roast beef without gravy.
A bar person will notice them and put two glasses of seven up on the counter (they never eat at a table, always at the bar).
They sit and eat and drink the seven ups.
The bar person will notice that they are nearly finished and prepare two cup of tea.
They finish.
The bar person brings the two teas.
The bar person brings two scones, butter and jam.
They drink the teas and eat the scones.
They pay with a fifty euros note.
They fuck off.

Every fucking Sundays!!
Man, I don't want to grow old!!

What People Are Ready To Do...

2008-12-11T01:36:00.000-08:00

To Get A Brain:

Tom Cruise had a brainstorm during Thanksgiving... He had invited the Bekhams for a slice of turkey and he decided that they would merge the families. Yes you heard right. Not only merge the families but merge them in a weird type of marriage ceremony.

Now, let's take a look at the picture above. Here are a few points that I think are interesting:

Mr Cruise and Miss Beckham look in the same direction.
Mr Beckham and Miss Cruise look in the same direction.
Miss Beckham looks evil. Seriously. Wake up beside that in the morning and you run for your life, don't waste time picking up your clothes!! Just run...
Miss Cruise looks extremely dumb. No?
Mr Beckham, well, errr... He is Beckham. If you know soccer and live in the UK or Ireland you know what I mean...

Anyway, since each individuals on that picture has only one quarter of a brain, merging the family might merge the four quarters and maybe something good can come out of it...

To Make A Baby Look Outrageous:

I don't know for you but I am a parent. One day around Christmas, I was browsing the shops and saw a small Santa outfit that would fit my son (which was around 11 months at the time). I thought that was cute and bought it.
We have all done that, or maybe buy an expensive piece of clothing for special occasions. Reasons that we don't want to over do it is because:

Babies grow fast, they will not wear that expensive piece of clothing for a long time.
Baby clothes cost a fucking fortune!!

Now if you had the money to waste would you do the following:

Yep. They've done it... High heels for babies!!
What the fuck??
What's next??
Rollex for toddler??

To Shock People:

I hate garden gnomes... I think they are ugly.
Why the fuck would you put a fishing gnome in your garden??
The same with statues of animals...
There is house here where I live which has two large eagles at the gate. C'mon... It's Ireland you dick, not the States!! Anyway, one night we were on the lash... We painted large smileys on the face of the bleedin' eagles. I would have loved to see the face of the guy in the morning.

Okay, back to the gnomes...
There is an organization called the GLF (Gnome Liberation Front) and those guys have done something idiotic, stupid, insulting and somewhat shocking...
In Belgium, they organized a gathering of... Nazi garden gnomes!!
I know...
Where the fuck do you find a Nazi garden gnome??
Here is the proof:

Apparently, they are the work of an artist called Ottmar Hol. Well this guy is a seriously deranged puppy.

To Swear Or Not To Swear... That Is The Fucking Question!!

2008-12-10T04:35:00.000-08:00

Did you know that the Irish people are one of the most swearing nation in the world. Fuck this, fuck that, shut the fuck up, shag the hell off and all that.

I remember one day I was walking down the street and there was a young woman behind me with a buggy and a kid in the buggy. The kid must have been around three years old. One thing you need to know about rural Ireland is that it is quite common to see women of young ages with kids.
Condom?
Nope.
Pill?
Nope.
Tissue?
Yes.
Like that is going to work...

Anyway, the girl behind me suddenly shout “Hey, How’s gone you cunt!!”. Yes, the C word. You heard right. And that was directed to another young girl across the road, apparently they were buddies. Well I can imagine what would have happened if they were enemies but I won’t.
But the best one is that they have also their own version of swear words...
Like this one:

This was made extremely popular in late 90s in the Channel 4 sitcom “Father Ted”. If you click here you will get a good idea of the use of that term.

Now, a well known Irish cider producer (I won’t name them, just give you a hint... The freakin’ cider is bright orange. Yep... No chemicals in it.) has decided to use that term on advertising posters across England.
The poster picture an apple grower saying “Feck off, bees!”.
As usual, some twats thought it was outrageous and decided to complain. Well, credit to the Brits, the advertising panel decided that it wasn’t a swearing word!! Nice.
Why don’t you ask the Irish?

I Miss The Little Piggies!

2008-12-10T02:01:00.000-08:00

As you know if you checked my profile I live in Ireland. There is some great sight seeing here. But that is it... Wait!! No!! There is something else...

IRISH PEOPLE!!!

I have been here for 13 years now and I have to say that I am now a Frenchman with an Irish spirit. This mean that I eat, speak and act like an Irish but I use my brain like a Frenchman. So this week end was the Heineken cup. What is the Heineken cup? This is a rugby competition between the best teams in Europe. So lots of rugby to watch and no time to watch the news.
Mistake...
Enormous mistake...
Magisterial mistake...
On Sunday I went to the supermarket to get all I need to cook myself a traditional Irish breakfast. Ingredients needed:

Pork sausages
Bacon
Black pudding
White pudding
Eggs
Mushrooms

So got my butt in Dunnes Store and...
No piggies!!!
No bacon!
No sausages!
No nothing!!!
The pork is gone from the shelves!!
What the hell??
So I go and get a newspaper and check what is going on...
As it happens all pork products have been recalled by the Irish government. Apparently, the feed that was given to the piggies contains a small amount of toxic products which aren't dangerous for humans if the dosage is minimal. But we are talking about Irish pig farmers here!!
When they fuck up they really fuck up!! Oh yeah!! After testing a few piggies they found out that the level of toxin was...
Wait for it...
Please seat down...
Gulp the coffee...
Make sure your mouth is empty...
80 to 200 times the normal level!!!
Yes... 80 to 200 times!!
Nice one!
Well done Einstein!!
So now, no more pork... Ham for Christmas? Seat on it.
And guess what...
They have now discovered the same thing with beef!!
Luckily, because of all the troubles they had with beef before, aka foot and mouth disease, they can actually trace from what farm the toxic beef is coming and they don't have to recall all the beef products.
It's hard to believe that we are in the 21st century here.
As I usually say to people, I left France in 1995 and arrived in Ireland in 1985!!
Jaysus!