Easy Way To Transform Windows XP Into Vista Look...

Hi kids!!
I don't know for you but for me Windows Vista as an operating system is useless... But... It does look very good...
Now Windows XP is a very good operating system... But... It does look crap...
So, for a while, I was looking for a way to have the look and feel of Vista on XP...
You can use a few applications for that, like ThemeXP for example. The problem of these applications is that they work on the background so your PC performances are lowered.
Yesterday I managed it.
Yep...
Full Vista feel on XP...
For free...
And...
Without Lowering Your PC Performance!!

Here are the steps to follow...
They are pretty easy even if you aren't a computer geek...
Just follow the steps as I describe them and you could get your PC looking like this (Click on the picture for the full size picture):


First of all you will need Winrar. This a compression utility like Winzip. If you don't have it installed on your PC you can download it here.
Once you have that installed, let's get to the theme pack I used to achieve the look. Windows XP allow you to use Theme files to change some aspect of the look of it.
I don't know if you have already used Rapidshare.com but this is pretty easy...
Click here, then click on the Free User button, wait for the countdown to finish and click on the Download button.
Once the download has finished, double click on the RAR file you downloaded and extract the files anywhere on your PC. I would suggest you create a folder called Vista Skins on the C drive and extract the files in that folder.
Now let's take a look at the files that were extracted...
There is 30 folders in it...
Each folder contains a Vista them for XP.
Also it contains a small application called UX-Theme Multi Patcher, looking like this:


Windows XP comes with a bit of limitations when it comes to themes... This little fellow will actually remove these limitations. No harm will be done to the PC I can assure you...
So double click on the UXTheme icon. At some stage, you will be asked to insert your Windows XP CD. DO NOT INSERT YOUR XP CD!! Just wait at least one minute before clicking on Cancel on the message that asked for the CD, then another message will ask you to confirm, click Yes and the patch will then be applied.
Once done, you will need to restart the PC in order for the patch to work.
Once the PC is restarted, go back to the folder where you saved all the Vista themes and chose which one you want to use. The best way to do that is to get into the folder and you will see a theme file, it looks like this:

Just double click on the icon and the display properties window will open giving you a glimpse of what the theme look like. The one I used is the one called Aero Style (Glass Beta2) and the color scheme is dark.
Apply the theme and that is it...
We got the Vista look...
Well...
Not yet kids...
We need a background picture...
Here are two that I consider pretty good...
Just click on the one you want it will open in full size then right click on the pic and click Set As Background.
First one:


Second one:


Okay... We have the look and the background...
Not bad...
But still...
What about the logon screen??
Hmm...
Let see here...
Oh yeah kids!!!
I have that covered as well...
There is a very cool little application created by Stardock. These guys have been developing tweak applications for quite a while and they cam up with a free application called Logon Studio. The good thing about that application is that it is a run once application. No memory taken!!
Click here to download it...
Install the application, once done do not run it yet....
We need to get a Vista logon screen for it...
I found one here, just click the download link and save the file in the same directory that you saved all the themes (makes it easier to have all the files for this transformation in the same place).
Now run the logon studio program, click on Open and select the file you just downloaded. It will show you a preview of the logon screen...
Believe me...
It looks great.
So just click okay and...
We have a Vista logon screen!!!
YAY!!!
But wait...
Just opened Windows Explorer...
YUK!!!
Still the same ugly icons...
Can't have that do we???
Let see...
How to change them...
Oh!! I know...
You guessed it!!!
I found another free application that doesn't eat memory!!
It is called Icon Tweaker... Please grab it there, run the install but don't run it straight away as it doesn't come with a good Vista icon set.
So let's get the icon set...
Yes I know...
And you know...
I found a good one...
It will make the folders and shit look like this:


You can download the set here, save it the same folder as the themes.
Unzip the file and then run Icon Tweaker.
Click File then Open and select the file you just unzipped.
The name of the pack is Aero Ultimate Icon Pack. Once done it will show in the available pack window, click on it and click on Install Theme and, kids...
That is it...
Memory free...
Money free...
Vista look!!!
Hope you will enjoy!!

Is Religion A Load Of Bullshit?

First thing you have to know about me is that I never competed in the catholic games...
Religion piss me off.
And the main reason for that is that religions are based on facts that can be proven and even more some of those facts are totally obsolete in the 21st century.
What do I mean by that?
Well let me see...
Here is a good one...

THE HOLY SPIRIT

What the freakin' fuck is this??
I mean...
The dude comes home after a hard days work, his wife is preggos. He knows he is not the father because he never shagged her, then some gay angel show up and says "This is the son of god. The Holy Spirit did this". What does the guy answer...
"Thank you lord".
What the fuck??
The whore across the road is crying... "The Holy Spirit!! Why the fuck didn't I think of that!!".
So let me get that straight...
The Holy Spirit is actually a flying dick??
C'mon...
If that happened today this would be a major divorce case...

There is another thing...
The Pilgrims...

Lourdes

What the hell??
Send some poor sick people spending a fortune on a trip for nothing!!
They should save the money to get treatment instead!!
But no...
Like I mean...
A blind goes into the pool, comes out and shout "I can see! I can see!".
A mute goes into the pool, comes out and shout "I can speak! I can speak!".
You get in there with your wheelchair and with your fucking luck you're gonna come out with freakin' brand new tyres!!

Another thing about religion...
It start very young...
Too young...
I mean you baptize babies?
And what if he or she doesn't want this??
So after that, they go to Sunday school and all that crap and get their head loaded with bullshit.
I mean...
For example...
20 years ago I was going out with a very cute girl from Dublin...
I didn't speak much English at the time nor did she speaks much French but I really enjoyed spending time with her.
Anyway, I was visiting her at her place and the Irish being catholics there is a little thing of not having it in the house if you're not married and certainly NOT in the girl house where the parents are living. Well, this girl just had her mother as her father passed away. But I think that the catholic things turn into a respect thing instead. So getting close wasn't that easy, one night we were just cuddling downstairs, yes cuddling... Nothing more. But she had a PJ top off... Yeah I know... But you have to understand that a French cuddle is a wee bit different than your usual cuddle...
Anyway...
At some stages we heard steps on the stairs so panic on board, we sit in a proper position, she puts her top back on and the mother is here looking at her with suspicion...
You can see that in her eyes...
So I turn to the beautiful one and sees with horror that...
The PJ top is inside out!!!

The same kind of things happened with my ex wife.
Spent 2 weeks over at her parents for Christmas ...
I'm French...
Can't go 2 weeks without sex...
Sorry...
Anyway we where at it and her mom walked on us...
Lucky enough the lights were off and she is blind as a bat...
Never saw me under the cover.
But my ex wife was feeling sooooooooooo guilty that I had to tell her mom that we were at it...
And guess what...
She didn't give a shit!!!

Are People Going Crazy??

Have a bit of spare cash?
Don't know what to do with it?
Located nearby Paris?
Why not buy a $30,000 mobile phone...
Yep... $30,000!!
Heard that right... Here it is:


Solid gold!!
I have to say it looks very good but come on...

• 1,000 hours to cut into shape.
• 700 hours to polish.
• 500 hours to build.

All that for something that will certainly will never be sold.

Do you know who Colonel Sanders is?
No?
Ignorant!!
He is the KFC dude...
I wonder what he would say about this:


Oh yeah, enjoying a KFC bath in one of the sinks...
What the flamin' fuck!!
And the worst is that those two idiots posted the pictures on the KFC free profile on Myspace!!
Nice one!!
You're fired!!

According to a study by Ask.com, the most asked question isn't:

• Where can I find tits?
• Where can I find boobs?
• Where can I have sex?

Nope...
It is:
"Am I pregnant?".
What the hell???
If you are unsure just get a freakin' pregnancy test!!


C'mon...
Might as well get a 20Q ball...
Idiots!!

We Listen To Shit Everyaday And We Like It.

We listen to radios, TVs. We go to nightclubs. We go to concerts, gigs. And most of the time we enjoy listening the dumbest thing ever!!
I am not talking about the music.
We all have different taste even though mine are better than yours.
I am talking about the lyrics...
Have you ever listen to lyrics of some very popular songs?
No?
Hmm...
Let's take a closer look shall we?

AC/DC - Touch Too Much:


"She had the face of an angel, smiling with sin The body of venus with arms"

The body of Venus with arms??
What the fuck!!
Sure "mate"... Milo never attended to put some arms on that statue!!

Alanis Morissette - Ironic:


I have to say I am going to enjoy that one because that song is a nest of dumb shit...
So let's get started...
"It's a black fly in your Chardonnay"

I am pretty sure that Chardonnay would taste a lot better with a yellow fly in it!! Also if that tart knew anything about wine she would know that red wine smell attract flies!!

"It's like rain on your wedding day"

How is that fucking ironic?? Are you marrying the weather man??

"It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife"

10,000 spoons?? Who the fuck has 10,000 spoons in the freakin' kitchen??
This is not ironic... You're just a psycho!!

"It's a free ride when you've already paid"

How can it be a free ride if you have already paid??

Sheryl Crow - Good is good:


"When you hear the rolling thunder, you turn around before the lightening strikes"

Yes darling... You didn't finish school did ya??
First... Lightning THEN the fucking thunder you moron!!

Green Day - Basket Case:


"I went to a whore
He said my life's a bore
So quit my whining 'cause it's bringing her down"

Hm... Did the whore just changed sex in less than three seconds??
And yes, I didn't type wrong... These are the lyrics!!

Paul McCartney - The Other Me:


"I know I was a crazy fool
For treating you the way I did
But something took a hold of me
And I acted like a dustbin lid"

Act like a dustbin lid???
Uh?
Please enlighten me here...
How does a dustbin lid act?

Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak:



"Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak,
somewhere in this town"

Errr... What about the jailhouse dude? That would be a great place for a jailbreak eh?

So any lyrics that you guys did notice were even dumber??

The Cow, The Ass, The Councillor And The Beef.

I read the other day that a guy in France went to court under the charges of rape. The guy didn't rape a woman, a man, a kid...
No no no no no no no!
He went one step better...
He raped... A cow!!
What?
Yes. A cow.
Okay let's not go into the debate to find out is the guy is nuts or not. He is.
Instead, lets analyze how you can end up with your dick in a cow's arse...
So, you wake up in the morning with your usual boner (if you don't there is something extremely wrong with you), you turn to you girlfriend for a quicky but the turn back and think:
"Hmm... I'm gonna fuck myself a cow today".
Just for having that thought you have nerves.
Okay, so you chose a cow. For those who have spent their entire life in a metropole, this is what a cow look like:


As you can see this is not the prettiest animal on the planet. Also notice the size of it, I will come back to that later...
So we have noticed that the cow is ugly so we can easily acknowledge that it ain't gonna be easy to get your little German soldier up. You need help. Blue pill. And not just one... Lots of them... So you go to the pharmacist and it should go something like that:

- Hi there, could I have 25,000 viagra pills please?
- What the fuck you're gonna do with all these??
- I'm gonna fuck a cow.
- Oh. So you met my ex wife then?
- Mooo?
- What?
- Just load them into the van will you!!

So you got your pills, but there is still a small matter to deal with... The ugliness of a cow's arse. Because we saw the front but believe the back is lot worst!!
The best plan here, in my view is to take the pills accompanied with two bottles of Jack Daniels. Normally after that you should be able to screw anything...
So you approach the cow, and then realize that there is a small problem...
The cow size.
It's big.
And the arse is quite high up...
You need a stool...
You grab one, get on it and start humping...
Well, I am sorry to say, but, humping standing on a stool in a field while totally hammered and armed with a massive hardon isn't the safest thing to do moron!!
And the worst is... You got busted!!

Also, in Germany. A woman got arrested because of the size of her butt. I'm not kidding. Let me tell you the whole story here...
One day, a masked woman enter a bank armed with a gun a raided the bank. I worked. Ran off with the money and the police (who couldn't catch a cold in winter) didn't catch her.
A few weeks after the incident, one of the bank clerk is returning home after work, riding a bus. Then, the guy pick up is mobile phone (cell phone for our North American friends) and ring the police. A police car stop the bus and arrest a woman and that woman is... The masked bank robber!
So one of the policeman ask the guy how he knows it was her and the guy answer:
"Because of the size of her ass. You don't forget something that big."
Wow...


This is huge!
Massive!
That thing has its own zip code!
If you stand 10feet from it, you slide slowly closer to it! Not because you want to! It's fucking gravity!!
But I think that one of the bad thing here for the woman is that...
She isn't remembered for her beautiful eyes...
She isn't remembered for her beautiful hair...
She isn't remembered for her beautiful legs...
Nope... Just the size of her ass...

Do you guys have local? By local I mean a bar or pub where you quite often and everybody knows you in here. Mine is located in an hotel not far from where I live. Usually on Saturday around lunch time there is some football (Soccer) on the TV, so go there and enjoy a couple of beers while watching the match. Sometimes the is a county councillor who comes here to get lunch. So the guy is a pain and very posh, you know... "Hey look at me, I'm in politics, I have lots of newspapers with me, I can read!". Every time the guys gets there he wants one of the TV (there is only two televisions in this bar, one on each sides) to be switched to Sky News (What is Sky News? It's Fox News with an English accent). This means that all the people who are watching the match on that TV have to switch side. Which is a pain.
However, me and my friends have developed a plan to change that...
After a while, I realized that the guy always sat on the same two tables, the one underneath the TV. Never another table. I thought that was odd...
One day I asked my friends if some of them would sit at the table underneath the TV on the left and I would sit with a few friends at the table underneath the TV on the right and see what would happen when the wanker gets in.
So the wanker gets in...
You won't believe this...
The guy goes first to the table on the left, sees my friends and you can see that the guy is not to happy then come over our table and then you see that the guy ain't happy at all and look like an idiot with his fucking newspapers. So the guy look at us and ask us to clear the table, so I asked why and the guy tells me that he needs it to read the papers! I tell him that there is other tables where he can read his fucking newspapers. The guy is furious. He goes to the bar and ask for the bar manager!!
Yep... Bar manager.
The bar manager is a good friend of mine, he is massive and don't like wasting time with wanker. So when I heard that I went to the bar to get a few pints of foam and for most listen to the conversation, he went like that...

- Yes sir, how can I help you?
- I need to sit at this table (pointing to our table).
- There is other tables that are free sir.
- I am a councillor!
- Well fuck off then!

Fair play to him he did!!

Still in the same pub, on Sundays they do carvery lunch. One of the items is roast beef...


You can't avoid the Sunday roast.
I don't know why.
But there you go...
But they also have other items, like turkey, chicken, pork, fish etc...
So every Sundays and I mean every Sundays!! There is two old guys who come and get their lunch there, they are two brothers. Every Sundays they do and eat the same fucking thing. No changes in year!! There is the routine:

1. They go to the carvery and one get roast beef with gravy and the other roast beef without gravy.
2. A bar person will notice them and put two glasses of seven up on the counter (they never eat at a table, always at the bar).
3. They sit and eat and drink the seven ups.
4. The bar person will notice that they are nearly finished and prepare two cup of tea.
5. They finish.
6. The bar person brings the two teas.
7. The bar person brings two scones, butter and jam.
8. They drink the teas and eat the scones.
9. They pay with a fifty euros note.
10. They fuck off.

Every fucking Sundays!!
Man, I don't want to grow old!!

What People Are Ready To Do...

To Get A Brain:

Tom Cruise had a brainstorm during Thanksgiving... He had invited the Bekhams for a slice of turkey and he decided that they would merge the families. Yes you heard right. Not only merge the families but merge them in a weird type of marriage ceremony.


Now, let's take a look at the picture above. Here are a few points that I think are interesting:

• Mr Cruise and Miss Beckham look in the same direction.
• Mr Beckham and Miss Cruise look in the same direction.
• Miss Beckham looks evil. Seriously. Wake up beside that in the morning and you run for your life, don't waste time picking up your clothes!! Just run...
• Miss Cruise looks extremely dumb. No?
• Mr Beckham, well, errr... He is Beckham. If you know soccer and live in the UK or Ireland you know what I mean...

Anyway, since each individuals on that picture has only one quarter of a brain, merging the family might merge the four quarters and maybe something good can come out of it...

To Make A Baby Look Outrageous:

I don't know for you but I am a parent. One day around Christmas, I was browsing the shops and saw a small Santa outfit that would fit my son (which was around 11 months at the time). I thought that was cute and bought it.
We have all done that, or maybe buy an expensive piece of clothing for special occasions. Reasons that we don't want to over do it is because:

• Babies grow fast, they will not wear that expensive piece of clothing for a long time.
• Baby clothes cost a fucking fortune!!

Now if you had the money to waste would you do the following:


Yep. They've done it... High heels for babies!!
What the fuck??
What's next??
Rollex for toddler??

To Shock People:

I hate garden gnomes... I think they are ugly.
Why the fuck would you put a fishing gnome in your garden??
The same with statues of animals...
There is house here where I live which has two large eagles at the gate. C'mon... It's Ireland you dick, not the States!! Anyway, one night we were on the lash... We painted large smileys on the face of the bleedin' eagles. I would have loved to see the face of the guy in the morning.

Okay, back to the gnomes...
There is an organization called the GLF (Gnome Liberation Front) and those guys have done something idiotic, stupid, insulting and somewhat shocking...
In Belgium, they organized a gathering of... Nazi garden gnomes!!
I know...
Where the fuck do you find a Nazi garden gnome??
Here is the proof:


Apparently, they are the work of an artist called Ottmar Hol. Well this guy is a seriously deranged puppy.

To Swear Or Not To Swear... That Is The Fucking Question!!

Did you know that the Irish people are one of the most swearing nation in the world. Fuck this, fuck that, shut the fuck up, shag the hell off and all that.

I remember one day I was walking down the street and there was a young woman behind me with a buggy and a kid in the buggy. The kid must have been around three years old. One thing you need to know about rural Ireland is that it is quite common to see women of young ages with kids.
Condom?
Nope.
Pill?
Nope.
Tissue?
Yes.
Like that is going to work...

Anyway, the girl behind me suddenly shout “Hey, How’s gone you cunt!!”. Yes, the C word. You heard right. And that was directed to another young girl across the road, apparently they were buddies. Well I can imagine what would have happened if they were enemies but I won’t.
But the best one is that they have also their own version of swear words...
Like this one:

This was made extremely popular in late 90s in the Channel 4 sitcom “Father Ted”. If you click here you will get a good idea of the use of that term.

Now, a well known Irish cider producer (I won’t name them, just give you a hint... The freakin’ cider is bright orange. Yep... No chemicals in it.) has decided to use that term on advertising posters across England.
The poster picture an apple grower saying “Feck off, bees!”.
As usual, some twats thought it was outrageous and decided to complain. Well, credit to the Brits, the advertising panel decided that it wasn’t a swearing word!! Nice.
Why don’t you ask the Irish?